The Bible tells us that David was a man after God’s own heart. He was a genuinely good man. He was tempted and fell to temptation – he was human! But when he sinned he was truly sorry and repented. And when others did wrong, he forgave them, acting mercifully, instead of demanding anything of them:
Saul in the cave –
Absalom his son –
Deaths of Saul and Jonathan –
When David sinned, he responded to Nathan’s prophecy immediately, accepting his guilt. He believed in God’s mercy and hoped for God’s judgment through the death of the child Bathsheba carried to be turned back, so he prayed and prayed until it was too late, then he washed his face and went on. He could have done an Augustine, and abandoned his beloved, believing that she was the one that had led him into sin, thus encouraging a low view of women. But instead, David acted honorably. He took responsibility for his own sin, and he kept Bathsheba and continued loving her. To abandon her then, just after the loss of her child and without a husband to go to would have shamed her utterly in the eyes of the people, and would have doubled David’s sin. In fact, it was Bathsheba’s son Solomon who would become the next king – a real sign of God’s grace!
David was a truly humble person. Had I known him, I would have trusted him. I would have believed that in the end, he would do the right thing. And what more could one want in a friend? Having a good friend that you can trust is one of the best blessings; if not the best blessing this world can give. And being a trustworthy friend is even more important. It is fulfilling the second commandment to love others as ourselves.
Not everyone dares to say they have a ‘best’ friend, although I know that when you’re a girl between say 5-15, being, or having, a best friend is often talked about. I remember what happened the day that I clicked with my best friend, otherwise known as my husband John. I was in Scotland with another friend in 1978, and John had a friend staying with him. John being who he was invited us all on a drive round the Trossachs in his father’s car. Before starting off, he said, very naturally, ‘Let’s pray.’ He prayed – directly, honestly, openly, no frills. I was very touched. Why? Because it seemed to me that even as he spoke, he was simply carrying on, openly, that inner intimate relationship that was already there with his God.
What response did that have in me? I felt primarily that here was a person that I could trust – not only because of who he was, but because what he was came from his close relationship with the God we shared in common. To make ourselves vulnerable is indispensable to a true friendship of any depth, and none of us are willing to make ourselves vulnerable until we know that we can trust the other person.
David and Jonathan were best friends – but they were very different people!
Jonathan – First appears in I Samuel 13
- King’s son (I Samuel 13:16)
It is often hard to discern people’s motivation in ‘friendship’. How much harder when the person is from a powerful prestigious family. It is easy to suffer a certain loneliness and lack of trust in other’s motivations. Most of us have probably had occasion to wonder why someone was befriending us, whether we are king’s children or not!
- Fighting man (I Samuel 13)
Jonathan was fighting with his father. It is probable that he was aware of what Samuel the prophet said as recorded in vv.13-14 when Saul disobeyed God: ‘You acted foolishly,’ Samuel said. ‘You have not kept the command the Lord your God gave you; if you had, he would have established your kingdom over Israel for all time. But now your kingdom will not endure; the Lord has sought out a man after his own heart and appointed him leader of his people, because you have not kept the Lord’s command.’
Saul had disobeyed by offering sacrifices to the Lord himself, before a battle with the Philistines, instead of waiting until Samuel appeared as promised within seven days. The prophet alone had God’s authority to offer those sacrifices. Saul’s disobedience revealed a lack of dependence on the Lord – an unworthy sense of his own autonomy before God.
How would Jonathan have felt, knowing that the kingdom that might have been his was squandered because of his father’s disobedience? Would he think it wasn’t fair, because he wasn’t going to receive what was due to him? The next thing we have to say about his character is the reason why the answer to the question is ‘no’.
- A man who trusted God
I Samuel 14:6b: ‘Nothing can hinder the Lord from saving, whether by many or by few.’ Jonathan had gone out to the Philistine outpost with only his armour bearer, but even so, he expected that if God said they would have victory, they would – it ALL depended on God’s word and His power. Jonathan was different from his father! It is a comfort, isn’t it, to know that by trusting God we are not doomed to repeat the mistakes of our parents! (Write down something you don’t want to repeat…and then trust God!)
David
- Shepherd (I Samuel 16:11)
I Samuel 17:15 tells us that ‘David went back and forth from Saul to tend his father’s sheep at Bethlehem.’ And we know from v.20 that he ‘left the flock with a shepherd’.
He wasn’t ‘merely’ a shepherd. He had multiple responsibilities even within his family job description as ‘shepherd’. It was an important job.
- Musician
As well as being the player of an instrument (the harp – I Samuel 16:18), he composed poetry (the Psalms). In fact, this ability was David’s open door to Saul, the King, when he was tormented by an evil spirit. (musical therapy is nothing new!)
- A man who trusted God (I Samuel 17:26, 36-37, 45-47)
In chapter 17 he responds three times with references to the ‘living God’ (vv.26 and 36) and ‘the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel’ (v.45).
The context is the giant Goliath’s arrogant challenge to Israel.
v.25 – David overhears what the king will do for the man who kills Goliath. The rewards are not lost on him, but the ‘living God’ is still primary.
However, David’s boasting in the Lord is misunderstood, as it can be with us even now. Eliab, David’s elder brother gets angry and calls him conceited and wicked, as we read in v.28. It may be that he was jealous of David as well (sibling rivalry, because David was chosen above the rest of them by Samuel? – shades of Joseph and his brothers). In any case, he interprets David’s boasting in the Lord as possibly simply boasting. Being misunderstood is not easy for anyone!
David and Jonathan are different in family background and in general occupation, although I Samuel 16:18 does mention that David was also a warrior, indicating an overlap in their interests. The major thing they had in common was that they both trusted God.
Now let’s go to the passages we’ve read.
Jonathan and David’s friendship – I Samuel 18:1-4
‘After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself.’ I Samuel 18:1
A man after his own heart – 18:1
We don’t know what David said to Saul, but it was probably not much different from what he’d said before, as recorded 3X in ch.17. He would continue to boast in the Lord and attribute his victory to the living God. This trust in God 'clicked' with Jonathan. He was also a man who trusted in God. He immediately felt a rapport with David – here was a man after his own heart!
There is nothing more wonderful than to know that we can trust someone, because they are not self-seeking, but rather seek a higher good – especially when that is in the person of the living God whom we also worship. They became one in spirit.
Is becoming one in spirit something rare? It shouldn’t be. When our hearts and minds are firmly placed in our Lord, anyone else who proclaims the same message is united to us. That is what the church is all about! We are one body – united in Him!
Covenant – 18:3
‘He loved him as himself’ (18:1) – nothing describes the union of two kindred spirits in their common God than this. The union was already there, but the covenant which Jonathan then made with David was the outward sign of an inward reality. That is exactly what sacraments such as Baptism or Communion are – outward signs of an inward reality.
In Old Testament times there were a number of covenants which people could enter into, one of them being between a sovereign and his vassals. This might have been the logical type for the son of a king to contemplate with a vassal of his father’s, but although the passage doesn’t specify terms which would clarify the covenant for us, the words ‘he loved him as himself’ indicate that this was a covenant between equals. This was a true friendship.
No matter what a person’s role in life is, true friendship can only be maintained when the two persons know themselves to be equal. This is easy when both are subject to a greater than themselves who binds them together. The covenant would have been made with God as their witness!
Vulnerability – 18:4
When we trust someone, we are sure that we can be vulnerable with them. Jonathan could have been threatened by David, especially if he had indeed overheard Samuel prophesying as recorded in I Samuel 13:13-14, when his father disobeyed God and Samuel said his kingdom would be taken away from him. But instead he gave David his royal robe and his tunic, communicating the esteem he had for David, and the fact that he would hold nothing for himself as his due. He also, and the passage says ‘and even…’, gave David his sword, his bow and his belt. All parts of his armour – what protected him! Jonathan knew that with David he wanted to be completely open, because he knew that as men of God, they both wanted to obey God’s will above their own. They could therefore trust each other implicitly. This is like a foretaste of heaven, isn’t it? And if that is our attitude to each other and to God, we can have a foretaste of heaven!
The relationship of true friendship which David and Jonathan had should be what we long for and work for in the church, and it only comes when we make Jesus our Lord. Because to say ‘He is Lord!’ is to put him first – to want His will above all else – which makes trust in each other a real possibility.
Conclusion
1. The example of David and Jonathan’s friendship reminds us of Jesus’ friendship with us. He has made a covenant with us by his death on the cross, and he has called us his friends!
John 15:13-15a:
Greater love has no-one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends…
2. Our unity was very much on Jesus’ heart.
John 17:20-23:
My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. AMEN.
I Samuel 20 is an example of how Jonathan and David’s friendship was worked out in practice.
Context
In chapter 19, Saul is blatantly trying to take David’s life – he tells his son Jonathan and ‘all the attendants to kill David’. Jonathan warns David, and then talks to his father on David’s behalf, arguing from David’s victory for Israel against the Philistines, which would have been an act in Saul’s favour, as king. Jonathan ends up believing that his father will not harm David, especially since his father takes an oath recorded in 19:6: ‘As surely as the Lord lives, David will not be put to death.’ This trait of Jonathan’s – of always thinking the best of people – comes out later, too.
But in fact, Saul continues to want to kill David. Under those circumstances, it might have been more natural for David to try to avoid Saul’s son. After all, was he not the heir to the throne? How was he to know for sure that Jonathan would not betray him in the end? Family ties could be more important when it came to the final crunch. In most family-style power structures, that is usually the case.
What happened is very different.
David fled Naioth at Ramah, where Saul had followed him to kill him, and…
1. The first thing he did was go to Jonathan. Totally open relationship. (20:1a)
2. He did not assume that he was faultless. ‘What have I done? What is my crime? How have I wronged your father, that he is trying to take my life?’ (20:1b)
3. He avoided hurting Jonathan, by giving the best possible interpretation to why Saul had not told Jonathan about his further attempts to kill David. (20:2-3a) When Jonathan said, ‘Look, my father doesn’t do anything, great or small, without confiding in me. Why should he hide this from me?’ – David could have replied that his father was hiding the fact from Jonathan because Jonathan would let David know and thus protect him. Instead, David said, ’Your father knows very well that I have found favour in your eyes, and he has said to himself, “Jonathan must not know this or he will be grieved.”’
4. He trusted Jonathan by putting himself utterly in Jonathan’s hands. (20:5-7) Jonathan was to go and find out exactly what his father’s intentions were, all the time knowing exactly where David would be hiding. This made David incredibly vulnerable.
5. David reminds Jonathan of the covenant they have entered together before the Lord in v.8.
These are all steps which can and should be taken in any true friendship which is affected adversely by whatever circumstances, including our friendship with Jesus. [repeat the above steps slowly] David was intent on maintaining his special relationship with Jonathan, whatever else happened.
What about Jonathan? After all, friendship is a two way affair.
1. He is there to listen to David. (20:1-3)
David had been faithful to Saul and the tone he uses is one in which we can discern hurt. He wants to know where he has gone wrong, but he is sure that in fact he is innocent. He begs Jonathan: ‘What have I done?’ We could maybe add: ‘to deserve this?’ God’s blessings are often mixed. David was receiving God’s blessing as he trusted God, but jealousy dogged him at every turn – from his brothers first and now from Saul. So we should expect the same thing to happen to us. When God blesses, those who look to Him will rejoice with us, but we should exercise wisdom in sharing our blessings, because there will always be those who are both jealous and want to discredit our God.
But whatever happens, a true friend will listen to us when we are hurting.
2. Jonathan realizes how serious David is about believing his father is out to kill him (20:2), but he himself still believes the best of his father on the basis of the oath (19:6) his father had taken. We all have a tendency to see people in our own image. We think people think and feel the same as we do, on the whole. Jonathan is a man of his word, and he really believes that his father is the same.
3. Despite thinking the best of his father, Jonathan promises to go the extra mile in finding out the truth for David (20:12-13), whom he can see is very distressed. Truth is important in friendship, even truth when it concerns others who may have an effect on that friendship and is not directly concerned with the two people themselves.
4. Jonathan takes the initiative in reaffirming their covenant, (‘Come, let’s go out into the field.’) thus reassuring David of his own faithfulness (20:11). As David was hiding in painful awareness of his vulnerability, he would have been doubly reassured because of Jonathan’s continued vow to be in a covenant commitment with him before God.
5. Communication keeps a relationship going! Jonathan promises to let David know exactly what is happening (20:12-15), whether it is good or bad. A true friend does not go away and say nothing more about an issue or a problem. It would shock us to think that Jonathan might go away and forget to get back to David with whatever news was forthcoming! Of course, this was a matter of life or death. But in little ways, we often let people down. Part of true friendship is keeping our promises, and the first way is by communicating what we know that affects the person we love, for their good.
6. Jonathan wants to be one with David, so he makes David reaffirm his oath to Jonathan as well (20:17). The passage reads…’because he loved him as he loved himself.’ This recalls 18:1, where Jonathan first became one in spirit with David. But it also recalls what Jesus said (Matthew 19:19, quoting Leviticus 19:18) about loving your neighbour as yourself. Unity is always mutual. As we trust God together, we can be true friends, and be united to each other. Just as Jonathan and David together were able to confound Saul’s plans, so we will be able to confound our enemy's plans as we stand united.