How do we respond when bad things happen to us?
While working at the hospital this week I came across a family who were really struggling. Parents who were beyond the first bloom of youth had brought their 17yr.old son to be examined and treated. They drew quite a lot of attention as their son suffers from Autism and was extremely distressed. With some difficulty we calmed the situation down and ascertained that there was nothing seriously wrong with the lad from a medical point of view. The mother looked at me from her worry-etched exhausted face and said “What have we done wrong to deserve this?”. A perfectly understandable question to which I had no easy answer.
This is a story that could be multiplied a million times around the globe. We only have to look at the news to see that bad things are happening to people all the time: murder, maiming, malnutrition – disease, disability and destitution happen all over the world to all sorts of people, young and old, rich and poor. It is hard to imagine just how many people ask this question every second: What have we done to deserve this?
Of course the reason why it is so hard to answer this question is because it is the wrong question. It is based on a very popular a + b=c world view which is not Biblical. It is the view which Job’s so-called comforters held – bad things have happened to you so you must have done something bad. It was also the view of the religious leaders in Jesus’ day who asked “Who sinned that this man was born blind – him or his parents?”. It is a world view made more popular today by the blame culture in which we live – if we can’t find someone else to blame we blame ourselves.
I wonder if there were times in his life when Joseph posed the same question, “What have I done to deserve this?” The lectionary readings last Sunday and today give us the one minute version of Joseph’s life. Last week started with Joseph being almost killed then sold to traders who took him to Egypt. A highly distressing experience as his brothers recognised “Surely we are being punished because of our brother. We saw how distressed he was when he pleaded with us for his life, but we would not listen; that’s why this distress has come upon us” Gen.42:21 Note how they share in the a+b=c worldview. This week we have the tearful re-union of Joseph with his brothers. In between Joseph has experienced both good times and bad. He is bought by Potiphar and rises to a position of trust and influence but is then tricked by Mrs. Potiphar and ends up in gaol. Here again he rises to a position of responsibility and helps some of his fellow inmates one of whom forgets to return the compliment leaving him in prison for another 2 years. On successfully interpreting Pharoah’s dreams Joseph rises to an even greater position of power and influence which is where we find him encountering his brothers.
I imagine there must have been many a moment when Joseph thought “What have I done to deserve this?” However there was a more important question which is the one all of us should be asking when faced with bad things namely “Where is God in all of this?” We don’t hear Joseph asking this but we do see his answer. “Do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you” Gen.45:5.
Throughout all his ordeals Joseph never lost faith in God. One of the recurring phrases in the story of Joseph is “The Lord was with him”: in Potiphar’s household 39:2, in prison 39:20-23 and so on. This why Joseph is able to address his brothers in this way. Throughout his life, in good times and bad, he recognised God with him.
All of us will experience both good and bad times in our lives. When facing bad times it is important to ask the right question, not “What have I (or others) done to deserve this”, seeking to apprtion blame, but “Where is God in this situation?”. Time and time again the testimony of those who suffer has been that Emmanuel, God with us, has been present with us in our sufferings. We may long for that day when there is no more suffering, but for now we rejoice that the Lord is with us.